Haha, well, well it has been awhile since that last journal, right? Aaaa, yeah. It's been up since July 29th... ew, argh.

BUT ANYWAY, I rarely update here as of late because of schoolwork and such.
Just a few updates i'd like to share are that I'm not being a bum anymore in school and it is showing, I'm trying to get a job now, I just had my 17th birthday a few weeks ago and had a lovely time with some of my awesome friends, my sister had a baby(I'm an AUNT. -faints-), and I've decided I'd try to teach myself Swedish(....somehow. I can retain it. This is amazing to me. Aaa, UNLIKE SPANISH FF), apparently I'm part Dutch and a final thing that I'd like to expand upon.

You see, I've had a bit of a revelation of my character. For a good chunk of my life I've held to the ideas that A)The grass will always be greener so try to make what you've got the best it can be. B)That no matter what, you need to keep going in life. and C)That I am no judge and shouldn't let myself bias against others and hold grudges. Sound pretty nice in theory but obviously not so easy to stick to and I know that I'm no where near a saint or will I ever be. And my revelation was seeing how I've slipped from my ideals. I've scorned and labeled people and assumed their reactions like a bitter, angry person; expecting them to lash out at me so avoiding them or wanting to lash out first. And for a while I've been a hypocrite, not realizing that I was doing exactly what I decided I wouldn't do...

And I felt awful when I realized it. I felt very low and was angry with myself because this was a long, gradual process for me and I got pretty pissed with myself numerous times. But I think I've seen what I did wrong and I hope I'll prevent myself from falling back into my bitterness again. (Sadly I've also realized alot of it roots from several personal things..)
I've thought "What is the point of throwing energy into grudges and assumptions and spite? It's usually petty and even though, Yes, people around me can hurt me, will be cruel sometimes, that doesn't mean I have to be the same to protect myself from it. I have to prove to myself that I CAN stick to my ideals, that I CAN make myself a person of merit. That I decide if I am happy or unhappy. C:"

I am a firm believer in that no individual is without nor will ever be entirely free from faults. That's just human; just how we learn, right? And I know I'm no exception to that so I won't always hold to my ideas but that's what they're for, aren't they? Something for me to strive for.


Ah, but enough of my star-gazer-speech. I always seem to write text walls when I make a journal. Fff. |D

How is everyone? C: